Steel Panther

Steel Panther – Satchel Speaks

DISCLAIMER Рelements of this story contain material which some may find offensive. Readers with a weak heart or those with delicate dispositions are advised to exercise extreme caution.

Steel Panther need no introduction. They are one of the most charismatic and offensive bands in music today, with a charm and self belief that endears them to even the harshest of critics.

They are opinionated, outspoken and have a love for all things metal, but their laid back attitude towards themselves and their careers ensures that they somehow manage to avoid constant scrutiny.

They are old fashioned in the sense they don’t care what anyone thinks, they just want to play music and have a good time: a point which guitarist Satchel observes is the key to their success.
“The only thing that we are serious about is fucken rocking, I can tell you that right now,” he stressed.

“We just like to have fun. I think that there’s alot of people out there who do music and they write what they think are bitchin’, serious songs and shit. I’m so sick of hearing people write serious songs. I don’t wanna hear any more fucken serious songs about fucken love. Fuck that. I just can’t take it any more. People take shit way too seriously and artists take themselves so seriously…. Lighten up buddy, you’re a fucken guitar player you know what I mean? Lighten up and have a good time, fuck some bitches, do some cocaine, drink some alcohol and have fun.”

“Why take anything too seriously? Life is too fucken short for that. You’ve gotta have fun, you’ve gotta party. Like, say you’re going to the Soundwave festival and you’re on your way with a few buddies and two of you get run over and two of you survive. What are you gonna do? Don’t you think that your dead buddies would want you to keep going to the festival and keep on partying? So what you do is you take the cocaine off your dead buddies, keep going to Soundwave and let the medical people bury them or do whatever they want with them and you go to Soundwave and you have more cocaine! Life is for the living. You can’t let the dead people ruin your day.”

From their debut album ‘Feel The Steel’ which featured ‘Death To All But Metal’ and ‘Community Property’ to their follow up ‘Balls Out’ with classics ’17 Girls in a Row’ and ‘It Won’t Suck Itself’ to their latest, ‘All You Can Eat’ which spurned the hits ‘Gloryhole’ and ‘Pussywhipped’, Steel Panther have never been afraid to confront with their lyrics and film clips, but Satchel says that although that is the end result, when writing songs the band doesn’t deliberately set out to shock people.

“No, that’s the thing,” he stressed.

“Alot of people think we’re trying to be shocking but we’re just really trying to write honestly about how we feel about shit. You know the song ‘She’s on the Rag’? Have you ever had sex with a girl who is on her period before? Alot of times it happens but you don’t realise. She’s too embarrassed to tell you that she’s on her periods before you start having sex with her and before you know it you’ve got, you know, blood on your hands, blood on your face, blood on your dick, all over the place and now you know she’s on the rag. You wish you would have known before coz now you’re gonna get blood everywhere but it’s a common thing. ¬†A lot of people have experienced it and we just put that frustration down on paper and into art and a very beautiful song for people to listen to. it’s a song I think that anybody can relate to.”

And furthermore, Satchel insists that Steel Panther’s songs are written from actual events, not just a figment of their crude imaginations.

“They all come from real life experiences,” he said.

“Every song on ‘All You Can Eat’ was based on something that was true. ‘Gangbang at the Old Folks Home’ really happened…”

When I ask him if it was consensual, he was slow to reply.

“It didn’t start off consensual,” he offered.

“We actually had to put a gun to Michael’s (Starr, singer) head and said ‘you’re gonna go in and you’re gonna fuck all those old ladies’ and he went in and he got really into it. In fact he said it was the best sex he ever had. One of them was 97 years old and she took it in the ass!! I think that one died, but if you’re gonna go, it may as well be doing anal.”

One of their first hits, ‘Asian Hooker’, is another song that could easily cause offense as quick as it brings laughter, and Satchel says playing it in Japan is always a highlight of their tours.

“That’s the beauty of playing anything in Japan,” he laughed.

“With almost every song that we play there I’m not sure if they’re enjoying it or completely offended by it! ‘Asian Hooker’ was no different. They didn’t know whether they should throw things at us or not but we love that shit.”

With a band that basks in the glory on stage and sells themselves as sexually dominant rock stars, it would be easy to assume that it is all a front and that their home lives would pale in comparison, but Satchel says that Steel Panther lives and breaths the rock and roll lifestyle be it at home or on stage.

“Well, I’m at home right now,” he said, “and I can honestly tell you that that I am half naked from the waist down. I’ve got a stripper about to suck my dick and I just did an eight ball of cocaine and I’m fucken ready to party and after I’m done fucking this girl right here I’m gonna get another stripper and then I’m gonna party all night.”

With Steel Panther about to hit our shores yet again, this time as part of the Soundwave festival, Satchel says the band has a sort of affinity with this country.

“We can’t wait to come back to Australia,” he enthused.

“The whole band is excited about it. It’s like our favourite place to go. The only thing about Australia that isn’t so good is that cocaine is really, really expensive there.”

Kris Peters

Steel Panther are one of the headline acts at Soundwave. For more information or tickets go to soundwavefestival.com

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